Girlfriends are terribly tricky creatures at time. They sure know how to project it in many different ways when they are angry. One of those dreaded ways they project when they’re mad is what is called ‘The Silent Treatment’. You know the one. The one where she suddenly stops giving up any ounce of attention and her vocals have seemed to disappeared altogether, making her a mute. So you find yourself wondering, ‘How did this happen? What do I do now?’ There’s very little need to worry. Usually when your girlfriend starts ignoring you there is something out there that can fix it. Most of the time she is just looking for a way to open up that communication again, too, but she is waiting for you to put in the effort to make things right. To help you figure out the problem and find a solution here are a few things you can do if your girlfriend is ignoring you.
Before you start making assumptions about why she has been ignoring you lately, take a minute to think of the last couple of weeks. Why should you do that? So you can figure out if something triggered this to happen in the first place. Did you forget an important date? Have you said something incredibly hurtful? Did she not get something she wanted from you? Are you just feeling anxious and are you thinking she is ignoring you more than she is? The list goes on and on. You may have done something to upset her deeply that warranted for her to stop talking to you. Although the silent treatment is a bit immature, she may feel like she had no other way to get through to you. Try not to be so hard on her, as she probably feels pretty horrible not being able to talk to you at all already. However, there are the rare cases where a girl may start ignoring her boyfriend because she is no longer interested in him, but doesn’t know how to say so, therefore she will start to blow him off entirely. That is usually not the case. So think really, really hard see if you can pinpoint a moment you upset her. This will ultimately lead you to know how to approach her and fix the problem.
Okay, before you get too bothered by her simply not speaking to you, take a deep breath! You will want to fight the urge to start ignoring her back. That will never solve anything. Actually, it would only make things much worse in the end. You will want to show patience and understanding, because you may not know what she is going through that brought her to do what she is doing to you. After all, if may not have anything to do with you. Pushing her away is never the answer.
Weigh All The Options
You have already thought of all the things that you could have done to get her to ignore you, right? Good. Now it is time to weigh out all the options surrounding her. People tend to shut themselves out from the outside world when a tragic event happens. Has your girlfriend recently been through any trauma? Some of these things include: A death in her friend group or in her family, a car accident, a negative lifestyle change like getting demoted or fired. Think back and see if you can identify a moment she had any horrible things happen to her. If she has, you can help her by supporting her through these times and letting her know you will wait for her until she is ready to talk with you about it. The next thing to weigh out in the options pile is whether or not your girlfriend is suffering from a mental illness. Research shows that around 450 million people suffer from some kind of mental illness all around the world. That’s a lot of people. It is totally normal, so don’t be freaked out by it. And it definitely doesn’t always mean you have lost your girlfriend permanently or even at all. So how do you identify if your girlfriend has a mental illness that may be causing her to ignore you? Unfortunately only a professional would be able to diagnose her. However, there are some signs that may help you decide if she should seek help or not. These signs include, but are not limited to: Loss of interest in activities, sleeping too much or too little, not eating over overeating, feeling no sense of worth and/or extreme pessimism. If you notice these symptoms in your girlfriend, she may have depression and may need to talk with a professional to talk through different ways she can be treated.
Talk To Her
Now it is time to stop playing detective and finally approach her. At some point you will need to set up a time for discussion, otherwise she might keep ignoring you forever. If you cannot get her to speak with you in person your best choice is to write out a letter, email or text to send her. Don’t make it sound like it is a burden to you. You are going to want to put a little thought and effort into the message. That way she will be more inclined to finally talk things through with you instead of continuing on the path you are on with her. Make sure to include a time, date and a reason why you want to talk. However, be careful not shift full blame on her.
Here is an example:
“Hey, _____, I’ve been a little concerned about you lately as we haven’t been talking as much as we used to. I’m very worried about you. I just want to make sure you are okay and that we are okay. Can we set up a time to talk? I’m free Sunday at 8pm if you want to meet. We can meet at your favorite coffee shop. Let me know how that sounds and get back to me. Thanks. Sincerely, _____.”
You may or may not be extremely frustrated that she hasn’t been giving you the time of day. While that is totally more than understandable that you would feel that way, be careful not to project those negative feelings onto her and make it worse. You want to convey kindness and understanding, if you want to have a chance at making things better between you. Try not to play the blame game with one another and keep yourselves from getting into an argument as much as you possibly can. Be as empathetic as you possibly can when you finally sit down to have a heart to heart. This means keeping a calm tone in your voice, mirroring her words back to her so she knows that you are listening to her and also using the proper body language. What is the proper body language to use in these situations? Avoid crossing your arms or turning away from her. Keep your face in a neutral emotional position. Continuously nod to let her know you are paying attention. Lastly, keep your distance so she doesn’t feel crowded, but approach her if she seems open to it so that you can comfort her. Whatever you do, do not get violent. So, to sum it up, just be nice.
Ask Her What She Needs
You finally have a chance to work it out, so now you are going to want to be the grade-A boyfriend by tending to whatever she needs to get her to open up communication between you. Let her know you are there to be an active listener to her. Ask her to open up about how she is feeling and what has been on her mind. Then find out from her what she thinks you can do to fix the situation, if there is anything you can do at all. Try not to get offended if she asks you for more time and space. If that is what she needs to come back around, let her do it. You cannot force someone to talk to you until they are ready. It is up to you if you can be that patient for her or not. Relationships are about respect, especially when it comes to needs and boundaries.
Voice Your Thoughts
After you have finished asking her what she needs, it is time for you to open yourself up to her. Let her know what you have been feeling lately (without getting angry). Just because she is having the issues, doesn’t mean there isn’t room in your relationship for you to get everything off of your chest. If she doesn’t want to listen to what you’re thinking, you may come to conclusion that the reason she has been ignoring you is because she may not be in love with you anymore or want to proceed with the relationship. Usually that is not the case and the silent treatment can be cured with something less severe than a breakup.
Compromise, If You Have To
Whatever you do, do not shut out the idea of compromise. Compromise is the one thing that can save a relationship. Maybe she has been angry at you because you keep forgetting the mail, but you come back with an equal frustration because she has not been cleaning up her makeup in the bathroom. Things like those can be solved with one simple thing: Compromising. What is a compromise? It is defined as: An agreement or a settlement of a dispute that is reached by each side making concessions.This is how you will find a solution to whatever problem has been causing your girlfriend to be angry at you. You can lighten her resentments towards you by committing to work on the problem together.
Those are the simple things you can do if you find your girlfriend suddenly ignoring you. Do a little critical thinking, control your emotions, talk it out and find a solution. Good luck!