Have you ever heard of the term relational aggression? It’s probably not something that you’ve heard the scientific name of, but it is something you have more than likely bore witness to it at some point or another in your life. Relational aggression is the term used to define bullying done by females to other females. It’s a tactic used to hurt other people psychologically. So instead of getting physical, the people with this type of aggression tend to use their words to inflict loads of pain on their victims. This type of aggression is definitely more prominent in younger girls and teenagers and usually fades away as they get older, but it can sometimes continue to affect people after they have matured into fully grown adults. The worst part of possessing relational aggression is it turns them into really mean people. It leads them to become pros at teasing people, purposely humiliating people, using intimidation tactics, shaming someone or just causes them to have all around malicious behavior towards someone to create damage to the current relationship at hand. This is where the mean girl stigma originally arises from, as these “queen bees” and “it girls” usually have this type of aggression in them and use it to become popular. This is why cliques are commonly formed between women and it seems to always feel like there is a heavily competitive atmosphere. So the real question when it comes to this abusive behavior from another woman is: How do I deal with it? Obviously it’s pretty difficult to be berated day after day and have your self esteem lowered by someone. It’s also unacceptable. Follow these simple steps to help you manage any female bullies you might encounter in your life.
Identify The Problem
It may not be easy, but the first thing you have to do to figure out how to properly handle mean girls is to try and is discover where the problem originally stems from. There might be a way for you to put an end to whatever torment they are throwing at you. If you can identify the root problem, it may lead you to a permanent solution. Maybe you stole her yogurt or you’re flirting with a guy she likes. There are simple solutions to simple problems. Apologize if you made a mistake or stop flirting with her beau. Whatever it may be, you could put an end to it by just doing some critical thinking. Sometimes there is no reasoning for their hurtful behavior. It is more common to be rude for no reason than to actually have a reason when it comes to girls. If you notice that they are just jealous of you for things out of your control (your style, the boys you date, your popularity, how smart you are, etc.) or have been throwing shade for no reason you can see, then it’s best to move on to the next step.
Having trouble identifying the source of the problem? That’s okay. There’s no need to mend fences with someone who has been horrible to you. Nor should you feel the need to submit to their mean ways. You can ultimately stand up to them by just raising your own self esteem. By empowering yourself you are giving yourself the motivation you need to overcome whatever they do to you. Once your ego is a little more inflated, you should find it easy to bypass any rumors, whispering, mean comments or abusive tactics. All in all follow this simple rule always and forever when it comes down to bullying: Don’t let them get under your skin. Always face them with a smile, to let them no they have no hold on your emotions whatsoever. Because in the end, by letting them get to you, you are letting them win complete power over you. People can only hurt you if you choose to let them hurt you, right?
Kill Them With Kindness
Ah, yes, you can put the age old phrase into action when it comes to situations such as these. Mean girls are, well, let’s face it, mean. So you have to learn to separate yourself from them, unless you want to become a mean girl yourself. Which, surely you don’t, or you wouldn’t be reading this article right now. If you’re willing to put the effort in, you can overcome these types of girls at any time, on any day. All it takes from you is a little bit of restraint. That means when they make the effort to harm you, abuse you or shame you, you hold your ground. No matter what. It’s mind over matter. The best thing you can do when they attack you is to be nothing but nice in return. This will undoubtedly throw them off and confuse them. The nicer you are, the meaner they end up looking to everyone else around them. Although they are naturally cruel, they are not going to want to risk all of their popularity into being anymore nasty towards you than they already have been. It’s hard to look like the queen, when you’re berating someone even more put together than you, isn’t it? By being polite and patient in return, you will also be setting a good example to other girls paying attention. If more girls stood their ground and didn’t engage on with them on negative terms, the cycle of viciousness and relational aggression might end someday.
No, not like backup for a fight or for a mission. Backup as in support for yourself. You’re not only going to raise your confidence, but you’re going to show your bully that you are not alone and that itself will make you a harder target to attack. Start off by making one ally and then when you’ve created that friendship, you can eventually include more people to your group. Then you will no longer need to associate with the means girls and their leader any longer. You will show them you are strong and don’t rely on them. Hopefully this leads them away from you in the long run. Making a friend of your own is not only good for defeating the group of girls making your life terrible, but it’s very good for your mental health, too. Having a support network is important in general, not just to the situation with rude women. It’s also helpful to have someone to talk to about what you have been going through. Bullying is never psychologically easy on anyone and it helps if you can unload some of it on friends while you’re processing it.
Stand Up Next Time
Don’t just let your head hang low the next time you come to see a woman viciously bullying another woman, instead say something. You have a voice, a strong one at that, and you can help to put an end to it. Try to make sure that any of the bullies come to see consequences for their actions, by getting them reported to the proper persons. This will depend on where the location of these attacks take place. If you are in school, don’t be afraid to tell an authority figure about what you have seen or experienced. If you are at work, go ahead and tell a higher up about the current situation. If this toxic person is a family member or former friend, you have every right to cut them out of your life for good. Everyone appreciates seeing an end to a reign of terror, don’t you agree? If so, be one of the good guys and keep an eye out for your fellow woman at all times. Now that you know why women are so mean and you now have the tools to do something about it, you have all the power stand united with other innocent women and defeat mean girls together everyday.