Are you asking yourself why it’s so hard to get a girlfriend? Many men do. You aren’t alone. And contrary to some people’s beliefs, there are tried and tested methods of how to get a girlfriend. By the end of the day it boils down to a match of personalities BUT flirting and dating is also like saying please and thank you – if you don’t say/do the magic thing, not much happens.
In short, if you want to date women and find yourself a girlfriend, there are certain things to bear in mind. I’ve listed some below.
The most attractive trait in a man? Someone who enjoys their life. It doesn’t matter if you’re stone broke or a millionaire, the important thing is that you’re passionate about what you do and that you lead a well balanced life with work, friends and fitness. If she thinks you have no friends, you disrespect your body by never working out/eating poorly and you hate your job, she isn’t likely to go for you. You need to be happy and passionate to make her happy and passionate.
Go for What You Want
Women like me with a bit of “oumph.” If you’re always avoiding your fears, choosing the easy way out, they’re less likely to fall for you. When women say they like men who won’t take no for an answer they mean men who overcome their own insecurities/fears and go for what they want. By the end of the day, that will increase your self-confidence and confidence is sexy.
When it comes to confidence it’s not about confidence that you’re the coolest kid on the block, but rather that you’re confident you can take care of yourself. Even if you’ve had hurdles (everyone has), you’re OK to deal with life. You don’t sit thinking about how life has made you a victim – you get up and play the cards you were dealt, confident that whilst you won’t win every game, you’ll stay alive playing and have fun as much as you can.
Some men think that women find men who like women sleazy. That’s not the case. Sleazy men want something from you and if they don’t get it, they get nasty, sulk, or try to push you into giving it. Women love a guy who loves women and feel happy around them.
Just enjoy the company of women instead of trying to get something from them, or feel like you need to assert yourself by proving to yourself that you can get a woman. This also removes the fear you won’t get a woman, which means you will stop coming off as desperate.
Likewise, men who walk around moaning about how difficult women are, or how difficult it’s to get the attention of a woman, aren’t very likely to end up with a great woman. After all, who wants to hear that drivel?
Don’t Be Romeo
As popular as the story is, having a man fall head over heels in love with you the first time he sees you is…creepy. Or well, it’s either creepy or just a sign of the guy’s desperation. You don’t know someone after an hour. If a guy throws himself at your feet you think he has no standards. Men think women like guys who are hard to get – no, women like guys who value themselves enough to check if the woman they’re going after is worth their attentions. When you have to work a bit for something you value it a lot more as well.
If a guy always replies to a text the moment you send it, you’ll end up thinking he has no life. If he’s always free for dates, the same thing applies. If you just met someone it seems logical that you don’t drop whatever you have at hand to answer texts, or hang out with this person. Because if you do, what kind of life are you living? One you don’t care about at all? Or have you got no life, so that’s why you’re always free?
It’s Not About the Money
If you have a million dollars that’s nice. I mean who wouldn’t want a million dollars to play with? In life we’re all seeking some form of security, so it’s nice to date a guy that we know will be able to provide a roof over our heads if need be. Likewise, it’s nice to know we’ll live a comfortable life. Lastly, it’s great to know that we might be able to have experiences we’ll love thanks to money. That’s all wonderful. But unless you want some crazy woman who only cares about money and nothing else to date you, it’s really not that important, so long as you’re financially self-sufficient.
What charms women is how you make them feel. You show them a good time. You show them you’ve got a strong masculine side. You show them you’re great in the bedroom. You show them you know how to compliment and appreciate them. You show them you can make them laugh. You show them you have a caring side. You show them you take care of your life and you’re passionate about it. And that’s that. In case you have matching personalities, she’ll be yours. Cash, or no cash.
If you’re showing off your money, she’ll think you have nothing else to show for. And unless she mainly cares about finding a guy with money, she’s not going to care. If anything, she’ll be put off. She wants you to make her feel great.
Why do you think women put up with all sorts of things from certain guys? Because at one point or another those guys made them feel great. Gave them butterflies in their belly. Made them feel loved, or attractive. Made them feel unique and wonderful. These guys didn’t rush straight in and sprinkle them with diamonds – they flirted, teased, got to know them and then gave them wonderful kicks. For some women the few kicks they got were so addictive they stayed for more, not thinking they could get them all the time from a great guy.
You now the section about not being a Romeo? That applies when you first meet someone too. The mistake most men make is that they walk up to women expecting something. They don’t just give a compliment and leave, or stay just to entertain the woman.
When you approach a woman it helps if you’ve first established eye contact and flirted from across the room – caught each other smiling at each other a few times. Then you already have an invite.
Once you do approach her, it’s nice if you also let her know that you can’t stay. Why? Because it will remove pressure. If she knows you have to get back to your friend “John” in the next five minutes she won’t worry that she’ll be stuck with you all night in case you don’t turn out to have things in common/chemistry.
And remember, what she’s looking for is a good time – laughter, great conversation… It helps if you give clues to the fact that you lead a happy and healthy life, but she really doesn’t care about what car you drive, or how much money you spent on your last vacation, or, indeed that you can afford to take her for weekend getaways. Don’t try to impress. Just show your natural love of the life you’re leading and entertain her!
The best way to meet women is through friends, so ensuring you meet others through your hobbies is wonderful. Get active. Go to the gym, join your local whatever club, attend meet up groups (really – it’s one of the best places to meet people) and challenge yourself to participate in social events that you actually want to be part of! The more people you know, the more women you’ll meet.
Online dating is great as well – just bear in mind you might have to go on fifty dates to find five women you like. Online and offline is not the same thing. Nonetheless, it’s a really great way to meet more women. And dating a few people at the same time is good because it means you won’t settle for the first person you meet, or throw yourself into something without really checking if it feels right. It’s only too easy to get lured by attraction that’s nothing more than skin deep.
You’ve heard of pick up skills? Some men think this is wrong. And if you treat it like a game, then it is wrong. However, pick up skills are like the please and thank you of flirting – learn them and women will react so much better to you. There’s nothing wrong with learning seduction, it’s all about how you apply it. If you make some woman feel great just so as to be able to have sex with her and then take off, that’s not integrity. If you have poor self-confidence and try to cover it by getting women, that’s not going to make neither you, nor the women happy. Neil Strauss discovered that in The Game where he talks about what he learnt during his years as a pick up artist. And that’s really where things go wrong – you shouldn’t spend your whole life focused on being a pick up artist. You should learn flirting in the same manner you learn to say please and thank you – to use it where appropriate.
There are many different books and guides regarding pick up skills. Some are genuine and really about being able to communicate with a woman so as to be able to get to know her and then tips to make her feel great. Others are all about picking up women as if it were a hobby. Use your own judgement.
Apart from The Game (great read!) I always recommend David Deida’s The Way of the Superior Man and Gary Chapman’s The Five Love Languages. Both are great for understanding women and relationships, but very different in content.