Breakups are tough. You work so hard to build a healthy, lasting relationship only to watch everything crumble. It’s difficult facing the fact that your relationship failed. But we’ve all been there before. We’ve all been through the breakups and the heartache and guess what, we’re all fine.
The truth is that sometimes, breakups are just what you need. Sometimes you have to break up with someone, spend time apart, and then get back together once you’ve realized what you truly want in life. This time spent apart can help you see that you need to be with the other person.
So this begs the question, will he come back? After breaking up and going your separate ways, how do you know if he’ll wander back into your life or if he’ll be gone for good? And do you even want him to come back into your life? Sometimes when people leave, they should stay gone for good.
If you’re wondering just how to know if he’ll want to come back into your life, these things can help you figure it out.
Reasons He’ll Come Back
There are probably tons of reasons he would want to come back into your life and continue a relationship with you. However, these are the most common reasons a guy might want to come back into your life after you’ve been apart.
- He Just Misses You
When you go from having someone in your everyday life to not seeing them at all…ever, it can be a bit of a shock to the system. That said, he might come back because he truly misses you and your company. He realized that life without you isn’t as enjoyable and he’d rather have you there with him. But you’ll have to differentiate if this is truly because he misses you or if he’s just lonely and wants the company. Be careful.
- He Realized Leaving Was a Mistake
This happens more often than you’d think. Many guys leave in the midst of an argument because their temper pushed them over the edge. One reason he may come back is because he realized that he let his anger get the best of him and he regrets leaving you in the first place. Sometimes you never know what you have until it’s gone and a lot of guy find this out the hard way. So when they do realize they had a diamond amongst the rubble, they come back and fight hard for you.
- He’s Worked to Change
Maybe you sent him away because he was no good for you. He could’ve been a bad boyfriend and so you told him to get lost because you wouldn’t deal with it. If that’s the case, he may return simply because he’s changed. He took what you said to heart and worked to make a difference so he can be the man you need him to be. Just be sure not to be fooled by a one-time confession of change. He has to prove he’s changed in order to be back in your life. Don’t let him get away with pretending to have changed.
- He’s Lonely
It’s unfortunate, but sometimes it’s reality. He could be just lonely and seeking anybody and not just you. The truth is that when you’re lonely, you’ll seek out the last person who gave you comfort and in this instance, that person would be you. Be careful if he’s only coming back for this reason. A sign that he’s just lonely will be him not voicing an apology for anything substantial. If his only reason for returning is because he missed you and nothing else, he could just be lonely.
- He Misses Being Physical
Let’s be real here, sex is a powerful motivator. If you two were really intimate and it’s now over, he may just come back to get the goods. It’s not that he misses you or your company but rather, he misses what’s in your pants. If this is the case, don’t even let him come back to you. He’ll only use you and then the cycle will return and be worse than before. Make him prove his worth before you let him come back into your life…and your pants.
Reasons He Won’t Come Back
If you’re holding out hope that he’ll magically reappear into your life, you may want to put your time to better use if any of these things happened that is causing him to put an end to the relationship for good. Your chances of him coming back in any of these instances are pretty slim.
- You Cheated
Unless he’s a complete idiot, he won’t come back if you’ve cheated on him. And to be honest, that’s completely fair. When you’ve disrespected someone in this way, it pushes them away forever. In most cases. Again, some people are naïve and willing to give a cheater another chance. However, don’t be surprised if he ditched for good in this situation. When you break trust in that way, it’s nearly impossible to repair and if he’s smart, he won’t even want to try.
- He’s With Someone Else
It’s harsh, but it’s true – especially if he left you to be with this person. If he’s with someone else, then it’s likely that he doesn’t really wan tot be with you anymore. Therefore, unless him and this other person end things and he starts feeling lonely, he won’t be coming back anytime soon. He’s found someone else to occupy his time and he’s not really missing you if he’s got someone else keeping him entertained.
- He Really Didn’t Like You As Much As He Thought
This is probably the one that hurts the most just because there’s really nothing you could’ve done about it. He ended things because he didn’t have feelings for you and that’s about it. It’s hard to deal with but ultimately, do you even want someone who didn’t like you very much to come back into your life? Yeah. I didn’t think so. You may miss him, but it’s better for you to realize that he’s not the one for you and to move on.
What to Ask Yourself Before Getting Back With Him
I know you may be feeling giddy that he came back into your life, but does he really belong there? Ask yourself these questions before allowing him to come back. You should never just grant someone reentrance into your life without debating it first.
- Was there cheating?
If there was cheating in any form between either of you, then it’s likely that you shouldn’t’ even get back together in the first place. Truly. Because if he cheated on you and now wants you back, he still doesn’t respect you and if you cheated on him, you don’t respect him or care about him in the way you should if you want a relationship. Cheating is a big red flag that says it’s not a healthy relationship and you should get away from it as quickly as you can.
- Do you really miss him or are you just lonely?
Being lonely and missing someone you were with aren’t the same thing. Everyone gets lonely sometimes. You crave having somebody near you so you can form that close bond that, as humans, we crave so deeply. But missing someone is entirely different. You want their presence there because you enjoyed having their input and their opinions and their outlook on life being right there for the taking. So if you’re just lonely, go spend time with friends and you’ll be fine.
- Does he seem genuinely sorry he left?
If he was the one to jump ship and leave you high and dry and now he’s back wanting you back, just ask yourself if he seems genuine about it. Is he really sorry he left and wishes he wouldn’t have? Does he seem like he actually wants to be with you this time? If you truly think he means it when he says he’s sorry and he genuinely would like another chance, go for it. However, if you’re still skeptical, avoid jumping right back into things.
- Did the relationship end badly?
All relationships end differently. They could’ve ended on a good note where you both walk away agreeing on the separation or you could’ve left in tears and being angrier than you’ve ever been. Determining which type of breakup yours was can help you decide if you should let him back into your life. Was it horrible and you cried for weeks? If so, it might not be a good idea to jump back into something as toxic as that.
- Are you truly happy with him?
Does he value you and lift you up? Does he support your dreams and strives to put a smile on your face every day? If he does all of those things and your life is far better with him in it, then you should definitely let him back into your life. However, if you only want him back because you have a void that needs to be filled, don’t. You can’t fill voids with other people. You have to fill them yourself and then invite other people to enjoy them. So don’t use him as a means to fill your loneliness if he doesn’t truly make you happy.
Knowing whether or not he will come back isn’t the hardest part about dealing with life post breakup. There are far more difficult things to understand and these points will definitely help.